25 Things about WWKnight

Randomly typing things that come to my head.

1. I have the easiest phone number to remember.

2. (Sadly) I am PROUD of my randomly generated number.

3. I am single. My wife left me, 22 days ago.

4. I have grown so much since then, so unfortunetly, I guess that makes it the best thing that's ever happened to me.

5. I still have to conciously remind my heart ot keep beating, or my lungs to keep breathing though.

6. I have two children. Noah and Alana. They have made my life continue to be worth living.

7. I am a long-time sufferer of depression. (roughly 7 years)

8. I do not believe in soulmates anymore.

9. I want to throat punch anyone who does.

10. I've really taken to using the term "throat punch" a lot recently.

11. I am a writer (not professionally, but I reckon I could if I honed my craft).

12. I am a fire twirler (not professionally, but I reckon I could if I... No. Maybe not).

13. I play Magic: the Gathering (not professionally, but maybe I could if I didn't have a wife who laughed at me whenever I entertained the idea. Oh!)

14. I am a student (professionally)

15. I am the most compassioniate person I know. This can be very painful at times. I will blog this at a later date.

16. I am unable to hate, or be angry. This is a very new development, and it sucks because I need those two emotions to help me get through this.

17. I am a Christian. Born again at 21, left the path at 22, born again again a few weeks ago. Maybe thats the answer to the lack of hate or anger? If so, stop Divine Intervention, NOW! Please?

18. I credit Christ for the level of acceptance I have found, the wisdom I have shown and the strength I have needed in the last few weeks.

19. I have fixed many things around my old home since the seperation. I find it fun and challenging, and I like the hug and the peck on the cheek I get for doing a good job.

20. I am beginning to realise (finally) that I was not the only one at fault in our relationship.

21. I still take MOST of the blame though.

22. I will never drink Vodka again.

23. I probably will drink Vodka again.

24. I am losing a lot of weight very quickly. Grief leads to depression, and I dont want to be there again. I am doing lots of exercise and building up healthy doses of sweet, sweet Endorphines.

25. I am me. (Who didnt see that coming?)

I define my life through the relationships I am in. Ask me something about anything in the last 10 years, and I will think back to what girl I was with that year and then try and recollect from there. I think the value I have as a person depends on how I treat the women in my life. While this holds a ring of truth, when one suffers from depression and has a low opinion of oneself, its hard to have a high opinion of anyone else. Thus, one treats others poorly, and due to one's outlook, makes him feel as if though he is low. Cue endless, vicious cycle.

I love Jo. I am truly, madly, deeply in love with her. Sadly, she moved on months ago, so my window of oppurtunity to show her had already closed before she left me. One would argue that I should have been showing her while married, and I agree. And I was, after I overcame the depression (with the aid of both drugs AND conselling. One doesnt work without the other). But too late. /shrug

I need to realise that my value, my worth, comes from me. While having a peer in my life to share most intimate thoughts, feelings and touching is nice, it is not required. And I think, it would be most beneficial to explore me before I try and share me with someone else.

Then, I will never again have to stress about losing a wife.

I love you Jo.